“The mistake is thinking that there can be an antidote to the uncertainty.”

― David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary

So this is it Day 4 of 14 of the 2ww. 10 days to go. 240 hours… 14,400 minutes, 864,000 seconds which amounts to approximately A LOT of what if, controlling, searching for answer-type thoughts.

The quote above snapped me into reality last night. As if little old me could find the answer or the antidote to my question of uncertainty: Will this cycle result in a BFP? I realized that I have to give my little cells the space to grow and settle in. I want those cells to snuggle up and get nice and comfortable, like my dog when he sinks into the pillows on the bed and can’t work his way out! I can’t rush them and I certainly can’t predict the future (otherwise I would never have ended up here in the first place!) I have to stay the course and somehow survive the next ten days. My fear is that I’ve never made it to day 10. But I am committed that this time will be different – my mind is in a different place, my body and my heart. I see signs of encouragement every day. I must continue to pay attention and to turn inward.

Silly Infertile Confession:
Yesterday I ordered a stuffed, smiley-faced uterus. Yup, I’m that girl. I thought if I had something that I could physically cuddle, then maybe i could do that rather than google random pregnancy shit ALL DAY LONG. So thanks to Amazon Prime, that’s what I”m going to do for the next 10 days – cuddle the shit out of that uterus and take the mental pressure off of my real one. She’s worked so hard already right?