The birth of my sister when I was 14 years old was at once the moment when I knew that not only could I be a mother and have children, but also that I wanted to wait a bit longer. The wait turned out to be 20 years, but I had things to do and a husband to meet! I’ve always looked relatively young, felt relatively young and to some degree, acted relatively young. So, when I was given the diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure and told that not only could I not get pregnant naturally, but that I would go into early menopause, something didn’t add up…
How could I be running low on eggs? I hadn’t even used any yet??!! I went through all of the cliches: “You spend your whole life trying not to get pregnant and when you want to get pregnant you can’t” etc… My husband and I laugh out loud remembering a few times in the beginning of our relationship when we were so scared that we would become pregnant. It’s clear now that it wasn’t even a risk… Oh the sex we could’ve had!
We’re going on almost 2 years of TTC (Trying To Conceive) involving clomid, unsuccessful IUI’s, one unsuccesful IVF, fertility yoga, meditation, acupuncture, lots of cysts, tears and some intermittent laughter about this strange journey through IF (infertility). While we have tried to stay hopeful, we have also fallen victim to the ups and downs that are a huge part of this journey towards parenthood.
About this particular blog: It is so important to have an outlet and I happen to love writing about the painful, silly crazy things that one goes through as they embark on the highway of ART (Assisted Reproductive Therapy.) To be more accurate, it’s actually like a highway that’s consistently under major construction. Some days the delays can last for hours and hours and other days are smooth sailing.
My hope is that reading about my personal journey might help someone else to know that they are not alone in this process and that infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment, a result or a choice. That you can find the humor through the pain, that there is perfection in this imperfect process and that it’s ok to let go once in a while even if it requires wine, massive doses of chocolate or a whole pizza. 🙂