The Advice…….Oh The Advice……

The problem with most advice is not that it’s bad or ill intentioned, but that it’s devoid of context. 

– The Big Enough Company

Throughout this journey I’ve been blessed with support from family, friends and weirdly strangers.  But every so often (realistically every day) someone somewhere offers up a gem or two that knocks my infertile socks off!  Here are some of my favorites:
Weird Forms Of Encouragement:


You’re going through IVF – THAT’S AWESOME!!! (f0r who?)

Just like Giuliana (Rancic) – HOW COOL!! (oohh I’m like totally in the in crowd now! yippee!)

It’s totally going to work out! (your optimism is more irritating than this patch of estrogen on my stomach)

I can see you as a mother. (good for you)

You can always adopt! (like at PAWS? it’s a little more complicated than that…)

It’s like your own personal science experiment! (yes, I’ve always wanted to perform experiments on myself – IDIOT!)

I’ll give you your shots! (just fucking weird…)







Weird, Best Intentioned, Totally Insulting Advice:


Just go hold babies at the Children’s Hospital! (like that’s a normal thing one could do…)

I have this friend who….. and now she has 12 kids – would you want to talk to her? (um no.)

At least you can still drink!!! (yes alcoholism sounds like a totally reasonable alternative to motherhood – good call!)

Maybe the universe is telling you something? (yes – that you are an asshole)

Have you read the Secret? (just back away…. quickly)

You just need to manifest your baby! (Right because I’m manifesting your sudden decapitation, but that’s not happening either…)

Just Relax! (Just back away – faster!)

Maybe you should stop trying? (last time I checked, not having sex is called abstinence and according to the after school specials, it’s the best form of birth control – but good one -real  smart..)

mutantGo get drunk and have crazy sex! (this is when my Resident Evil mutant appears from my mouth to end you.)

And Finally, Unsolicited, Pregnancy-Myth-Infused, Uninformed, Suggests That I Must be Mentally Impaired As To Not Have Considered Any Of This, Advice:

I don’t know if you’ve thought about this, but have you considered:



Chinese Herbs?

A Shaman?05


Drum Circle?

Gluten Free?

Fertility Fountain?


Raw Meat?



Smelling a Pregnant Woman? (I’m not fucking kidding on this one)

Gong Bath?

Legs In The Air After Sex?

Neti Pot?


Chakra Alignment?



Tai Chi?Cheering-crowd



Crack Cocaine? (crackheads always get pregnant)

and my personal favorite:

“JUST….GET……A…..SURROGATE!!!” (insert Price is Right cheers HERE)
If you want to help out a woman or couple struggling with infertility and not be listed on a ranting blog post, please visit any of the following links and learn more.

Helpful Links:

The Truth About Trying

When Infertility Strikes

Myths and Facts About Infertility

Infertility Etiquette

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5 thoughts on “The Advice…….Oh The Advice……

  1. Love this list.

    I told a male friend at work that we were about to try ivf. He asked me if we needed a sperm donor…WTH?…. I was looking for compassion and got sexual harassment instead.

  2. I’ve never been told to smell a pregnant woman (thank all the deities!), but I was told that my third miscarriage wasn’t as bad as dying from cancer. That was pretty helpful. Definitely put it all in perspective for me. The “good” news is my miscarriage had pretty much killed all my emotions, so I had zero reaction.

    • Oh Amber – well let me just acknowledge that it was the most awful comment anyone could ever say to you and that there is a special place in hell for those people. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope that you are doing the best you can right now :).

      • Thanks. That was back at the end of September/beginning of October. A lot has happened since then, but I still bristle at the memory of that comment. I’m sure the person who said it forgot it as soon as he said it. I guess my IF journey has taught me to think carefully before I speak–especially when someone’s going through a tough time.

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